


PIE IS DELICIOUS AND DANGEROUS

by merkintosh



Series: drabbles [10]
Category: Glee
Genre: Crack, F/M, idk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-29
Updated: 2017-08-29
Packaged: 2018-12-21 13:14:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11944983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merkintosh/pseuds/merkintosh
Summary: When Quinn wakes up with testicles after her date with Sam; she is fucking pissed.





	PIE IS DELICIOUS AND DANGEROUS

It was the boysenberry pie at that new diner in town that must have caused it. That's the only thing Quinn could think of that she had had during her date with Sam the night before that was different from their routine. They had met at 7 at her house, driven over to the diner, had dinner, coffee and boysenberry pie.   
  
And now Quinn had testicles.   
  
"Sam Evans, I am going to kill you and your adventurous spirit." Quinn hissed at her boyfriend when she saw him standing by her locker.   
  
Sam looked adorably confused (as usual). "I didn't know you had a problem with adventure." he said.  
  
Quinn looked around them and saw Lauren Zizes standing casually near the trash can slowly eating a Zebra Cake while pretending to not listen. Quinn grabbed Sam by the arm and dragged him away.   
  
Quinn didn't feel safe enough to talk until they were in the empty Astronomy room. "I have a major problem with adventure, Mister, and you know it. Adventure is what gets me drunk on wine coolers and pregnant."  
  
Sam crossed his arms over his chest. "Well, my kind of adventure is sexy in a non-intercourse kind of way. You know that about me. I'd never do that to you."  
  
Quinn glared at him and poked him in the arm. "You might as well have because you took me out to dinner and now I have balls."  
  
Sam started blinking frantically and stepped back a little. "Hold up, balls?"  
  
Quinn flushed and looked down. "This is embarrassing. I didn't actually mean to tell you that."  
  
Sam started to flail his arms. "Balls. As in balls? As in testicles? You have balls now?"  
  
Quinn shrugged.  
  
"Oh my god." Sam said.  
  
Quinn went back to poking him, her rage overcoming her shame. "And it's your fault. You just had to have pie last night. I said no, think of the calories but you were all I'm about to start a master cleanse, I need carbs."  
  
Sam started to sputter.  
  
"Balls." Quinn said.  
  
They were both silent for a long time.   
  
"Can I see them?" Sam asked.

 

Quinn couldn't stop moaning as Sam tried to fit both of her brand new testicles in his giant mouth. "Oh, oh Jesus! Oh--" she grunted as she felt the wet heat of his tongue press against the loose skin of her sac.   
  
She pushed against his head where it was lost underneath the pleats of her Cheerios uniform skirt and beat her heels against his back when he pulled away and went back to just sucking on one at a time. Sam pushed her thighs apart to keep her from strangling him and kept on exploring her new body parts.  
  
"They hang so low." he said when he stopped for air. Quinn didn't know if that was a compliment or not so she just pulled her skirt up so she could pull on his hair and get him to shut up and do something.  
  
Chuckling, Sam let her push him back down. He kept one hand on her thigh and used the other to cup her balls while he blew cool air on them. Quinn sighed and leaned back on the lab desk so she could look at the fake planets spin above when the air conditioner kicked on.  
  
It's because she wasn't looking that she squeaked when she felt Sam's tongue lick against her vagina while he rolled her balls. "Sam!" she said but she forgot why she was objecting when she felt him lightly tug on her balls and insistently tongue her until he was fucking her hole with his tongue.  
  
The nerve-shattering differences in sensation between her vagina and testicles made Quinn feel like she was being mindfucked and her resulting orgasm hit her hard. Her legs snapped together on Sam's head and she curled up over him with her hands clenched in his hair and her teeth clenched. She felt like she was coming and peeing at the same time and Quinn didn't know what to do about it.   
  
It took her a minute to relax and let go of Sam. He gasped for air and immediately pushed away from her crotch, his hands moving to scrub against his face while he tried to breathe.  
  
"Sorry!" Quinn said. "I've never done that before."  
  
Sam laughed and moved his hands away from his face. He was covered in a wet sheen. "I'll say. I think you ejaculated on me."  
  
Quinn covered her face and moaned out. "I'm never eating boysenberries again."  
  
"Hey." Sam said. Quinn put down her hands and peered at him from under her eyelashes. "I had boysenberry pie too. I wonder..."  
  
He put his hand down his pants and used the other to tick off numbers. When he had four fingers up, he looked over at Quinn in shock.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea when I wrote this but I'm kind of impressed with myself, ngl.


End file.
